Change

And I feel helpless because perhaps for the first time ever I can't understand her and she expects me to understand. She is no longer the girl I knew. She is a woman now. All these years have put differences of experience between us. I wish I knew how she feels, I don't want to disappoint.

She has gone ahead yet she thinks I am ahead and like always leave a trial behind for her to tread on. She asks for words I can't give, presence I can't bring,and prayers I don't know how to begin. I have to disappoint her.

I have to let her go, let her grow. She doesn't know she is strong, she is able. She hasn't realized.She has to learn to trust herself, trust her decisions; learn to respect herself, respect her decisions.Is she sorry that she's in the spot she is? She shouldn't; with all my heart I wish she wouldn't.( Oh my dear what have you taken upon yourself?!!)

The only prayer I find myself praying for her is for wisdom and strength. Wisdom to see the beauty of it all(yea, there is) and for strength to keep her part of the promise. She has to learn not to disappoint herself. She has to learn to respect herself.I won't become a crutch for her; she's able, she can run.

The Undertones

Double minded. Fearful. Unfaithful.
Can I give these up
And love someone unconditionally?
Can I let go of my own self
And embrace someone as my own?
Am I brave enough to love?
Can I go beyond passion to pain
And still find myself deeper in love?
Am I strong enough to say no to everyone else
And say yes to him?
Am I ready to embrace the "zeroing in" this involves
The narrow road it entails, the limitations it carries?
Can I speak up for him
When supposedly, my peers disapproves of him?
Can I loosen my ambitions
And integrate them with his?
Can I love what he loves?
Treasure his memories, his stories-just as he does?
Can I love his family, his friends?
Can I walk the second mile
When he fails me?
Can I forgive his shortcomings?
Can I say,"I love you" and mean it?
Can I feel and share his pain?
Can I accept him sick and battered
Defeated, discouraged, broken...?
Would I still believe in him
When no one else does?
Would I be proud of him and what he stands for
Even if the world condemns him?
Can I accept his passions?
Can I exult in his exaltation?
Can I accept him ugly and smelly?
Can I face his anger, his frustration
And still be patient with him?
Can I "donate" my organs for him?
Can I live just anywhere with him?
Can I accept that he cannot give me everything?
Can I let go of my desire for relationships he can never provide?

Would I still be interested in him
When he is blank and mundane?
If he should lose his charm, his possessions?
Can I accept his tantrums?
Can I accept his eccentricities?
And all the things that come with age?
Would I hold onto him
Till death do us apart?

Do I love him?
Can I wait for him
Even if it means years?

O good Lord! Yes!!