Uncertainty

I'd like to think I understand but I do not
God works in mysterious ways
In bigger ways, in the smallest of ways
And even in between.

I thought I've grasped it all
With all humility!
But no! There was more to it
Than I could have even conceded.

I don't know why
I don't know for what
And it's beautiful this way
Special this way.

I sense peace, my countenance is at rest
I feel at ease with others too
None of that rush is left
I am letting things be.

I certainly don't like surprises
I don't like being caught unaware or off-guard
Maybe this is a chance for me to appreciate surprises

Maybe I should risk being fooled for once!

Maybe. Maybe not.
Perhaps for the first time,
There is no anxiousness in uncertainty
Is this faith?

Maybe!

Of Shoes and Dreams

After two years I am walking the same road wearing the same boots and sweaters. Still struggling. Nothing much have changed. What happened in between? I have inched  closer to my dream, and what I would count as prizes are the people I met during these two years and the invaluable experiences I got.

The preacher said that the way to begin dreaming is to ask yourself what you would do if you were guaranteed success in anything you choose to undertake. That minuses fear and all impediments of the mind. I asked myself that question a long time ago and I had made my choice. I risked all comforts, closed all doors, and just walked towards it. This was it for me, and it still is.

It's a long overhaul. I am being refined, redefined, tested, taught, and stretched. Not always pleasant but I am privileged to be going through these. A chance to pursue your dreams! How precious! I am thankful for the way things are, for I know my Father is in control.

There was a time I couldn't bring myself to run this race though I knew for sure the prize at the end was all that I wanted in an aspect of my life. That made me realize that even for making myself do what I need and even want to do, I need the strength of God. Of all the battles I fight, the one with my own self is the hardest. I can be my enemy too!

And the battles rage on. I hope that next year I won't have to wear my old boots; not because I have new ones but because I won't be walking the same road again, for I will be in that place I risked everything for...and that place calls for sophisticated high heels!

To ME

Take a really deep breath. Pause. Reaffirm yourself. Hold your head up high and take your walk.

There is always a better you than you or others know. Believe that that "you" exists. Let her come forth. Let her be known.

Misunderstood

It's not always a pleasant thing saying the truth. However much gently you put it,one can always be misunderstood.
Today I feel so misunderstood.

I have never wanted to be a tyrant. Responsibility put me in a position I otherwise won't have chosen. But with sincerity I carried out what my role demanded.

And now I am misunderstood!

Words can cut deep, so deep that it numbs you. I didn't cry. I didn't. I was raised not to pity myself. I was taught to put my point across without appealing to tears. I was taught to be strong.
Even if I am misunderstood!

Maybe I misunderstand myself, or maybe I am the one who misunderstood. I concede to the possibility. But when the yardstick of wrong and right, of duty and slackness is laid up against me, I know that I won't be found wanting. No, of this I am confident.

I won't let plurality or subjectivity blur my sense of duty, my principles, and convictions. I won't meander in confusion. I will be hated, and misunderstood again but I would live in spite of and because of it all.