Here

A thousand miles behind and a lot of years in between
Lord where have I come?
Certainly not the place I had envisaged
But not which I'd trade for anything else
For You are still here, right here with me
And where I sense You
I know I am right where I am meant to be.

Bare

I had laid it bare and a friend asked why is it so?
"I like the things you put on it", said he.
I smiled and said, "I like changing things."

Often I step back and remind myself,
It's okay to have nothing,
To impress that you know no better.

In bareness is a beauty
A strange haunting melody
A touch un-defiled.

No pressure to display
No hearts to woo
No becoming a fake.

Standing alone, standing wanting.
But faithfully what it is
That calm confidence!

Life Is Beautiful

Today I feel stuck. I really want to move out of here, beautiful and comfortable though it is. I look at the calender in front of me, I can't imagine myself spending all these months like I did last year. They(the past few months) were good of course! I had fun. learned, laughed. experienced new things...but I want no repetition! I need some change...(LORD You know I do)! I don't want time to pass by like this, I can't get so comfortable in the present, soak in the providence I now have...I want to GRASP something, something that will make me feel "I am", something from the vantage point of which I can plan my future...(LORD, am I asking too much? am I being rebellious?).

People here love me, I don't doubt it. But it is not about loneliness, it's not about losing faith, it's not about hopelessness...it's about a dream I have, a dream that I am afraid to own sometimes, one which is so impossible that only FAITH can accomplish. And these days I have been "stretching" my faith...I see nothing; I have no tangible affirmation...what I could take as "signs"I have brushed away...I know better not to fool myself. I don't doubt god and His goodwill towards me, it' just that I don't understand Him!

Life is good. I have little to complain but I know things shouldn't and wouldn't remain the way it is. Change is a constant. I want to grasp"that thing", take that leap, make that shift...I am only too eager. But I see just enough light for me to take the next step(do you know Father, that I am bored?).

I wonder what's in store for me, Whatever it is, it'll be good but I want to know specifically what! I am very happy with my present; the activities I do at home, at church, and in the"world", are what I would love doing in the future as well, But again, somehow I feel I need a surer footing, another "platform"....I am asking for a place in life that is sealed, accepted, and refer-able! Am I wrong in asking for this? I don't think so! So why the wait, why the drag, why the pain, why the frustration, why the uncertainties...?

I thought faith will make things easy. Instead, it asks the impossible from me! But it is precisely what keeps me walking in the narrow way, with just enough light, but with an unlimited supply of joy, hope, and peace. Yea, I have my doubts and questions but the f\peace He left with me stays. Sometimes I feel I have lost it but I always have it...He was the One who kept me for keeps and the thief can't rob me of it, I won't let him!

So here I am, resting assured in the gentle Shepherd's arms...life is beautiful!

Pressing On

I may have failed
But I have not been defeated
Because I tried.
And I will rise again, and try again
Till I perfect it
And I know none was in vain.

Expecting!!

Now I believe I understand something of this facet of love
The joy it gives me makes me forgive even those who caused me the deepest hurt
My heart has let down its defense and it has been singing ever since it was touched,
Touched by this facet of love.

I am blessed to share in this blessing!
Here I am not an intruder, I am so wanted that I am humbled
My heart has softened, my disposition has altered
I am gentler, like a mother should be.

Yea, I am gonna be a mother!
Mother to my friend's own baby!
She's a sister I never had, a friend closer than my own right hand,
My "twin", my partner in virtues as well as in crime!

That she shares her joy with me,that she wants me close....
I can't help but feel different...I am changed....
I feel like I am expecting myself!
I have begun thinking so much for the baby....

Soon we'll be holding the sweet little bundle in our arms
Soon I shall know a baby so close....closer than any other I have known...
I know I will never be the same again
This anticipated joy has seeped into me.

People-1

Some people are just that-nice!
There's nothing more to them than niceness
They are rocks covered with soft moss
Soft and nice outside but nothing more inside
Just nice
And they end at that.

There's no mystery to them , there's no depth in them
You'd think they are onions with layers but no, they are just nice people
Just that!

A Privilege

I love being a woman and perhaps one of the best part of being one is being friends with other women. This bond we share is irreplaceable by any other relationship. How do I describe this unique bond?

I was reminded of it's beauty today when I came across an exquisitely designed hand made envelope. I don't know what it held inside, I believe it contains a personal note or something else. I know that I should bot have touched it but its sheer beauty made me pick it up and admire it for some moments! I was mightily pleased and my heart went "awww" when I thought of the bond between the two women. I could feel the warmth and tenderness. I smiled a thankful smile to our Creator, joy stirred up within me.

I read somewhere that the kindness women show are an extension of the love they received as little girl from their daddies. I don't know how far this is true. But I do know that being loved as a little girl surely goes a long way in giving you confidence to love others as a woman. Loving is a risk and no one knows it better than a woman. She loves without expecting anything in return. I guess that a mistake men commonly make is thinking a woman who showers affection on him necessarily likes him or expects something from him in that special way. Women is braver in loving, there's no denying that.

And the love they share among themselves is a different category altogether! Whether it be some small talk over tea, just braiding each other's hair, helping in picking our a dress, sharing recipes, etc. they express love in  marvelous ways!

Where would I be without my girlfriends? I revel in their company....thank You Father for your lovely daughters which includes me! :)