Nothing is really yours till it has gone through the process of death and resurrection. I face this reality again. I am reminded that what I want should first and foremost be given up, and then should the Almighty in His sovereignty and love for me decide to give it back to me alive,it's mine to keep; else in faith I know it was never in my interest.
I wish I had the faith to believe so this time as well.... In spite of what I have known and still know to be true here I find myself in tears over what I have to give up. Perhaps I am mistaken...perhaps God wants me to fight for it and not just give it up? But no.It can't be, it isn't. This is such that I can lay no claim to it unless it is gifted and gifted,it is not. It is not to be fought for, it is not to be sought after without putting on rebellion and pride. I wish it was easy, I wish I had never placed my affections on it...everything was going so well until I was abruptly stopped and made to realize that I had been mistaken all along. I died a little that day.
I hope I am not talking in the air...a few of you know why I am saying this. I am putting my condition to words so that they bear testimony to what I am feeling now. Perhaps after all these are over I can then come back and view this in a new light. I hope to pass this test. "Though He slays me yet I will trust in Him"..."When He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." I say these lines to myself again today... there's something I have to train myself to see and listen to.
What's in store for me I don't know. Yet I do know that the sacrifice has to be made and it means death of a certain part of me. I believe it has to be this way, I am being transformed, I am being renewed, I am being cut and chiseled to be fit for His crown. He loves me and He has always proven Himself to be true. So I believe and affirm today that His will is "good, acceptable and perfect." I am not looking back, I have raised the knife.
I wish I had the faith to believe so this time as well.... In spite of what I have known and still know to be true here I find myself in tears over what I have to give up. Perhaps I am mistaken...perhaps God wants me to fight for it and not just give it up? But no.It can't be, it isn't. This is such that I can lay no claim to it unless it is gifted and gifted,it is not. It is not to be fought for, it is not to be sought after without putting on rebellion and pride. I wish it was easy, I wish I had never placed my affections on it...everything was going so well until I was abruptly stopped and made to realize that I had been mistaken all along. I died a little that day.
I hope I am not talking in the air...a few of you know why I am saying this. I am putting my condition to words so that they bear testimony to what I am feeling now. Perhaps after all these are over I can then come back and view this in a new light. I hope to pass this test. "Though He slays me yet I will trust in Him"..."When He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." I say these lines to myself again today... there's something I have to train myself to see and listen to.
What's in store for me I don't know. Yet I do know that the sacrifice has to be made and it means death of a certain part of me. I believe it has to be this way, I am being transformed, I am being renewed, I am being cut and chiseled to be fit for His crown. He loves me and He has always proven Himself to be true. So I believe and affirm today that His will is "good, acceptable and perfect." I am not looking back, I have raised the knife.
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