Those three years I can never forget. Sundays were sunny, bright and clear. The neighborhood really serene because people were away at church; but I had company and that surprises me now. I hid lest I be seen but nobody cared, I got strange looks but never a word. Those were restful days, Sabbath indeed! I don't know what I missed because what was was replaced by newer things-things I never would have known if I wasn't made to stop.
Remember Lord that those days I was most ready to meet You, not because I hated this life but I was in love with your love for me and I was captivated by thoughts about the new abode you have prepared for me. Those were the days I began seeing you as my God and not as an colonial or imperialist legacy. You entered into my private world disrobed of my childish fantasies. There we were together talking about things which mattered to me most...remember the letters I wrote You? I told You my about my dreams, my fears, my shame, my struggles....There were a lot I didn't share too because I wasn't able to; but You knew, You understood...like You always do.
I held onto You desperately in the best way I knew. I realize now that I was not so good at it, You were the One actually holding onto me. You held onto me even when I turned my back those last days...such is Your love! I was attacked, tempted, persecuted...I was shaken...but Your grace was always sufficient.
I remember that You didn't forsake me in any way. You made me thrive by sending me songs for the broken nights and empty days. I starved for your Word and you fed me in miraculous ways...sometimes I wonder how I even survived because I wasn't on solids yet during that conflict! I longed for fellowship and You gave me friendships which I still cherish and nurture. You have always been faithful Abba!
I will always look at those years with a sad sigh but they will immediately be followed by songs of praises to Your faithfulness. They are etched in my memory as bright sunny days, with a tinge of melancholy but glistening with a soft blanket of inexpressible peace and joy. Yes,there was peace and joy then, in the midst of that turmoil...I knew and felt that I was totally on your side. I was away from church but closer to You.
Remember Lord that those days I was most ready to meet You, not because I hated this life but I was in love with your love for me and I was captivated by thoughts about the new abode you have prepared for me. Those were the days I began seeing you as my God and not as an colonial or imperialist legacy. You entered into my private world disrobed of my childish fantasies. There we were together talking about things which mattered to me most...remember the letters I wrote You? I told You my about my dreams, my fears, my shame, my struggles....There were a lot I didn't share too because I wasn't able to; but You knew, You understood...like You always do.
I held onto You desperately in the best way I knew. I realize now that I was not so good at it, You were the One actually holding onto me. You held onto me even when I turned my back those last days...such is Your love! I was attacked, tempted, persecuted...I was shaken...but Your grace was always sufficient.
I remember that You didn't forsake me in any way. You made me thrive by sending me songs for the broken nights and empty days. I starved for your Word and you fed me in miraculous ways...sometimes I wonder how I even survived because I wasn't on solids yet during that conflict! I longed for fellowship and You gave me friendships which I still cherish and nurture. You have always been faithful Abba!
I will always look at those years with a sad sigh but they will immediately be followed by songs of praises to Your faithfulness. They are etched in my memory as bright sunny days, with a tinge of melancholy but glistening with a soft blanket of inexpressible peace and joy. Yes,there was peace and joy then, in the midst of that turmoil...I knew and felt that I was totally on your side. I was away from church but closer to You.
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