For Papa

One of life's greatest delights is to see growth-whether it be in a little baby or a tiny sapling. Thankfully, growth is not limited to the tangible and the physical. It encompasses the spiritual, the emotional and the mental too. I have been blessed to witness spiritual and emotional growth in people close to me, people I love and cherish. This includes even my parents. Over the years I have seen them love each other better, if not more than they used to. They grew in love and the tree of their love sheltered, protected and provided for us. The tangibility of their growth showed in the affectionate gestures and words towards each other and towards us. Their love is a living example that we fall in love and then grow in love. In falling we die to our own selves and in that death we find ourselves sprouting and growing in love (the death and resurrection principle I referred to in my last post). Love is not a spark that lights up your world for a moment and then dies away; it is like a candle which lights other candles though it is melting. It knows that life on earth is too short to even worry about how short it is; we are to live and help others live. I am so thankful that God helped me see this in my parents.

I wrote the following lines for Papa during my first year of college, away from home and alone in the confines of my Paying Guest accommodation. A lot has changed since then, all for good. My understanding of Papa has 'evolved' to see him more realistically and I hope more lovingly. I complain about not having received hugs here...well, I have received so much since then! And about the tears...let me keep it to myself for now....

I must not forget to add that the society we grew up in doesn't really display affections...this is one of the reasons we are so stiff most of the times. But things are changing for the better.

These are a teenager's musings, take it as that...she's a big girl now! :)

"Pa, did I ever doubt your love?
Ever thought you didn't care?
Took you for granted?

Questioned your decisions?

Misunderstood your corrections?

Yes Pa, I did.

Pa, I cried for the tears you didn't show
Longed for the hugs you didn't give
And wondered why you are this way.

But this is all I have against you.
I can't count the number of times you said"thank you"to me
When I did well at school or at anything that made you proud;
Nor the times you accompanied me
To school, to church, to the doctors'...
I saw you empty your pockets to fill mine
I saw you give up your dreams
To get me a new dress, or to pay for my picnics and trips.
You stayed by my side when I was sick
You woke up to tell me to go to sleep
When I'd be cramming for exams

(And you know Pa? You calmed me down by saying that).
I was aware when in the dead of the night

You'd come and pull the blankets over us,

And check whether we were sleeping well
Gently stirring us up if when we weren't.
I've witnessed the times you faced humiliation

So that we could be filled, so that we won't lack.
You knew what was important
You lived for what you could die for.

Thank you Papa for the many times you carried me,

For the wonderful stories you told

For the stuffs you mended-whether it was my teddy bear or my broken heart

For the errands you chose to go for us
For the dreams you helped us dream
And for so much more...

Everyday Pa, every single day
I want you to be sure that I love you

How can I complain Pa
about the tears and the hugs?
I know your heart bled for us
Your hand worked for us-
That was hugging in the real sense...
Oh, I can't comprehend it...!

I don't know how successful you are
But as a father
You are definitely a big hit!
I love you PAPA!"