I sense that calm over my face after all these years...that same one I used to have when I was so sure of God, myself and to a certain extent my future. My muscles are relaxed, my eyes steady, my cheeks brave, my ears drawn back yet alert, my lips settled in a shape I won't know how to replicate at other times and the overall contours of my face set as if I am feeling the warmth of the sun on my face after a cold winter's night. It sounds good,it feels good ...but I am afraid it might not be really good.

I recall the storms I faced after that calm, how it ravaged my soul, robbed my peace and defaced my heart. I remember being tossed about by circumstances, people and my own weaknesses. Is it coming back? Is this the lull before the storm?

When the storm comes your preparedness matters. Perhaps this is the time to be prepared? Perhaps. A part of me  feels excited at the prospect of facing the storm, much against another part which wants safety and quiet. But it's not for me to decide whether the storms should come or not. Is it?

So why am I afraid?

I am afraid that I might not go to the right place for shelter. I am afraid that I might not survive this time. I am also wary of  the lies...I am wary of the deception the calm wears....

The last storm broke me down. Am I stronger now? I like to believe I do. But still I am afraid to face the storm which might not come after all!